Crazy But Plausible Cannabis Conspiracies

When it comes to marijuana, the truth is out there. But where? That needs a little more work to figure out. The internet offers an assortment of hoaxes and myths about the dank stuff. But conspiracies about weed have been passed around since people have picked the herb and smoked it. Here are the craziest weed conspiracies that might be true.

Neo-Nazis and the Nation of Islam Believe Jews Want Everyone High

Most weed conspiracies receive little following from the masses. Instead, these tall tales stay with the most paranoid of society. For this conspiracy, two extremist groups with mostly oppositional politics maintain the same view. Both the Nation of Islam and neo-Nazis blame “Jews” for using marijuana to control members of their groups.

For those engaged with the Nation of Islam, they claim that “Jews” who run the marijuana industry encourage the consumption of weed in black men. Some members of the Nation of Islam believe once these black men use bud, their lifestyle changes. They become emasculated and become easy to manipulate and control. As a result, both Jewish people and weed receive blame for the destruction of members of their group.

But neo-nazi groups also fault the Jewish population for ruining generations of their group through the catalyst of weed. Their stance relies on the claim that “Jews” control the marijuana industry. The neo-nazis claim they benefit from the profits of advertising and selling the drug. Based on this stance, they argue that the Jewish people are guilty for (white) youth growing up blitzed and disinterested.

Both groups may be smoking themselves this conspiracy is so far-fetched.

Cannabis Helped Build the Pyramids

Few things bring awe as much as the pyramids of Egypt. Many theorists think that the monuments in the sand were built with the leadership of extraterrestrial life. More likely, these huge edifices were just built on the backs of thousands of slaves.

But who’s to say these hard workers didn’t enjoy a smoke sesh to help the work day move along? Evidence shows that they were the first to use pot as a medicinal treatment for cancer and inflammation.

As things have turned out, modern laws have now prohibited a lot of the cultural and religious practices which had been a part of Egypt’s history and culture for thousands of years. It wasn’t easy to unearth the history and evidence to support these claims, but now that it has been done, let’s take a look at some of the ways in which the ancient Egyptians used cannabis.

Cannabis was actually used in the production of ropes, sails, and fabric in particular. In fact, research suggests that ancient workers used a meticulous technique with the cannabis fiber to break down larger rocks before transporting them to constructions sites. The technique generally involved hammering down the dry cannabis fiber into the cracks of the larger rocks, before soaking them thoroughly in water. As the fabric began to expand it was strong enough to fracture the giant rocks.

Seshat, the goddess of wisdom, was often depicted with a leaf of the cannabis plant above her head in paintings from thousands of years ago. Bastet, the feline goddess of war, was also related to the use of cannabis in the region, but more in terms of witchcraft. Evidence also suggests that worshippers may have consumed marijuana in one form or the other during certain religious festivities and rituals.

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They even ritually buried their leaders in tombs with the herb as they embraced the afterlife. When the mummy of Pharaoh Ramesses II was uncovered and examined back in 1881, traces of cannabis in the remains was the last thing anyone was expecting, but it was there. Since then, a lot of the uncovered mummies have shown similar traces of the herb in their systems, confirming the suspicion that cannabis was indeed a part of the regular culture in ancient Egypt

But considering how much the plant already benefited the society, it isn’t a stretch to think break-time bud maintained that progress in the ancient desert.

Jesus Christ Blazed Up

Of all weed conspiracies, this weed conspiracy is a hit of biblical proportions. Did Christianity’s leading man enjoy the devil’s lettuce?

No one living today walked alongside Jesus Christ as he performed his miracles. So no one really knows if the guy didn’t keep a tightly rolled J behind his ear for those long journeys.

He certainly enjoyed anointing oil made of kaneh-bosem, otherwise known as cannabis. The dope dude known as JC also enjoyed burning incense made from the plant.

The Cannabis Candy Conspiracy

The edible market produces a fruitful supply of canna-candy. But since the release of ganja gummies and chocolate into the recreational and medicinal weed market, a candy conspiracy has taken hold over the population.

News programs have utilized fear tactics to scare parents about these candies ending up in their child’s trick or treat bags.

These warnings have been issued in the headlines since 2012. Every year since, the hysteria breaks out again, urging parents to comb through their child’s candy looking for stoner substitutes.

But these parents have little to fear. Instead, they should be concerned with the motivations of the media spreading these lies. This one’s an especially crazy weed conspiracy. Seriously, who just gives away their edibles?

Packing that Bowl Makes What You’re Packing Shrink

Weed seems to inspire fear in the male population again and again. Yet, this weed conspiracy hits him where it hurts. Zoning in on male insecurity, this conspiracy suggests that smoking ganja may reduce the length of that male appendage by up to a centimeter!

Let’s face it. If this one held much truth, weed wouldn’t be as popular as it is. It works to frighten men away from pot. But there is some weight to this conspiracy. Weed may cause erectile dysfunction.

Marijuana also just encourages lethargy and apathy. Though the size of what’s in men’s pants isn’t in jeopardy from pot use, it might cause some laziness when it comes to getting the job.

Hemp and the Racist US Government

Back in the 1920s, the commissioner of the Federal Bureau of Narcotics began telling lies about cannabis. This man by the name of Harry Anslinger reported weed would cause those who smoked it to go into a violent rage.

He condemned pot as a dangerous substance even though 29 scientists he interviewed on the subject disagreed with him. So the US then issued the Marijuana Tax Act in 1937, making cannabis and hemp illegal.

This legal decree held some racist consequences. Its enactment allowed for authorities to target people of color who use weed. This change in law could be one of the many reasons for the prison industrial complex today.

Conspiracy? Maybe. But perhaps it’s the cloud hanging over the US keeping the nation in the dark ages of marijuana.

Big Pharma Helps Keep Weed Illegal

Weed stays illegal on a federal level in the US. But its long history of prohibition relies on lies marketed to the masses about the plant. Those lies are supported by the villain of this weed conspiracy, Big Pharma.

It’s no surprise that Big Pharma profits from the illegality of weed. Other drugs like opiates made by these companies can be legally prescribed and are sold in mass quantities across the country.

Though marijuana could serve as a pain management treatment for these conditions, Big Pharma and the medical community come together and continue to steer patients to their medications and profit from possible addiction.

For instance, makers of synthetic marijuana Syndros used profits from selling their fake bud to contribute to groups opposing weed legalization in Arizona.

More fact than conspiracy, Big Pharma definitely has a hand in ensuring weed stays illegal. They stand to directly benefit from its continued prohibition. So this story definitely holds some truth more than other weed conspiracies. But just how much is still a mystery.

Aliens Are Trying to Steal Our Weed

So maybe aliens aren’t responsible for the construction Sphinx or The Great Pyramid. But there may be a bigger weed conspiracies brewing surrounding Martians and marijuana.

Some people think that recent UFO sightings kept quiet by the worlds’ governments may be extraterrestrial missions to commandeer the Earth’s weed yield for their own purposes.

Joint-shaped vessels have been spotted orbiting the night skies, swooping low enough to be visible to the most paranoid human eyes.

Are they sizing up the cannabis crop? Will smokers of the world unite for the common cause to protect the Earth’s dankest resource from the aliens? Or is this just another of many weed conspiracies?


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