There are many different types of weed smokers, and we can all laugh about some stigmas every here and then. If you’re a veteran smoker, chances are you’ve shared a joint or two with friends and strangers on different occasions. This can be particularly true if you’re a social smoker, who likes to make new friends by sharing a joint in public. Spend enough time with tokers and you’ll soon see there are a few distinct personalities that emerge when people are high. Some of these personalities are endearing, some annoying, and others both. Check out this list of different kinds of weed smoker. We are sure you’ll be able to spot all of your toking friends.
1. The Pro
They get shit done. They carry a gram in their pocket at all times and another gram in their shoe incase they finish the one in their pocket. In the time it would take you to pack a bowl, they’ve already rolled two of the cleanest joints you’ve ever seen in your life. You’d call them a stoner, but that sounds like an insult and their propensity for getting high is much more deserving of praise than rebuke. They’ve clearly made a skill out of getting stoned. Also, even if you did want to insult them, you wouldn’t because they usually give you weed and you’re not ready to severe that connection just yet.
2. The One Who “Doesn’t Know What They’re Doing”
They start acting dumb long before the effects of the THC kick in. Despite the fact that you’ve gotten high with them multiple times, they still pretend like they’re some naive do-gooder who never touches the stuff. After walking them through how to use the bong they’ve used countless times before, you have to hold the lighter for them as they inhale and ask, “Did I do it right?” They seem to think that the longer they play dumb, the longer nobody will notice that they’re just a huge mooch, but the truth is that most people noticed ages ago.
We all get a little philosophical while smoking occasionally. Getting high can really change your perspective and provoke some interesting conversations that lead you through great scenarios and moral conversations. The Philosopher is the stoner who gets into this mood every time they smoke. Maybe it is a bit of paranoia, or maybe they just need to verbalize all of their thoughts, but either way the theories and questions just pour out.
Sometimes, it is best to not even pretend you’re following The Philosopher to the depths they are going too, because half the time you won’ t be able to. Usually, just letting them tell you their theory is enough, and can make for some interesting conversation. Then again, they just might introduce you to an interesting new line of thinking, and can be a great friend to smoke up with occasionally.
4. The Relapser
In a past life, they were a pro but then they grew up. They reached a point where getting high felt too childish and left it all behind….except right now for some reason. Maybe their kids are at their grandparents or maybe they had a really stressful meeting that day, but in either case they’ve decided to dip back into their old ways. Though they seem to be enjoying themself, it still feels a little bit awkward. Whatever muscle they had that made smoking with them fun seems to have atrophied, and now it just kinda feels like hanging out with your parents.
5. The One Who REALLY Enjoys It
You thought you liked weed, but not compared to this person you don’t. They way it hit them, it seems like they have some sort of special chemical in their body for getting high that you don’t produce. They laugh like a monster at every dumb thing they see. They eat food with an enthusiasm usually only seen in people who’ve been trapped in a dungeon all day. They question anything and everything about their own existence. They’re having the time of their life. Honestly, you’d be jealous of them if they didn’t look like such an idiot right now.
6. The One Who Doesn’t
You’ve smoked with this person on many occasions and you don’t know why. They honestly seem to hate weed. When they toke up they only seem to get the negative effects. They spend the entire looking paranoid and freaking out about their own mortality. They don’t laugh once, or even make a noise. You don’t know what it is their getting out of the experience, but it must be something because no matter how many experiences they have, they always end up coming back for more.
7. The Tryhard
You’re not sure if they’re actually high or if they just watched a Cheech and Chong movie once and are channeling that. They certainly WANT you to believe that they’re high because they keep telling you over, and over, and over again. They kinda look seem like if your mom wrote a screenplay and included a stoner character in it. Their highness is so performed and over the top that you’d swear they were a really bad narc if they weren’t one of your good friends. Smoking weed is fun, but it’s not cool like this person thinks it is. Trying to act like it is demeans us all.
8. The Admirer
The Admirer is one of the most fun types of toker to get high with. No matter what you’re smoking, or doing, or thinking of, The Admirer is ready to get excited and happy about anything and everything. Something about lighting up opens their mind to how wonderful the world is, and everything from your friendship to their own hands should be marveled at as a wonderful thing. The Admirer is a weed smoker you need to hang out with more often. Every time you guys light up, they will have a blast, and make sure you do too. As a bonus, there is no one in the world who is better at sharing good news that The Admirer, which makes for some joyful and energizing conversation.
9. The Cougher(s)
There are two kinds of cougher. The first is so endearing. They are either a new smoker, or simply can’t get used to inhaling smoke. Every time you get high together, they sputter and cough and clear their throats for ten minutes before experiencing very intense highs. So intense that you wonder if type two might be on to something… Much worse is the intentional cougher. These tokers are the ones who have heard the old saying “if you don’t cough you don’t get off” and taken it very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that they will intentionally force themselves to cough in an achieve a more intense high. This notion is so ridiculous, and so irritating, that it can take some of the fun out of a session.
10. The Taker
How does this person get by when you’re not around? This enthusiastic toker is always ready to partake, but never shows up with any supples if their own. Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt sometimes, but after a few sessions with this character you’ll realize they never even planned to pitch in.
Though they may be a fun friend and great to have around during a high, watch out for people who are willing to take without ever giving, and be sure The Taker doesn’t get their hands on free weed every time you see them.