Everybody has that friend, whether they’re bumming your cigarettes, borrowing your money or smoking your weed. It’s a tale as old as time.
I know sharing is caring and the whole mission of the culture is to bring people together, but you can’t let everyone mooch just because they’re your homies. There’s no one worse than that friend who always pops up with empty hands and empty pockets when it’s time to smoke.
Common trends among moochers are:
- roach thieves
- chaffe collectors (extra bud and little pieces)
- CIGARETTE moochers
- “i’ll throw you $5” …but never does
Unfortunately, even though weed does kind of grow on trees, it isn’t exactly cheap to cultivate or buy outright from the neighborhood weed store. So that pothead philanthropy of yours can become somewhat costly, and let’s face it, the IRS isn’t going to accept it as a charity write off. The only thing left to do in this situation is to disconnect from the marijuana mooches and put an end, once and for all, to the free weed. But how does one go about doing this without losing all of their friends?
For starters, if people are only hanging around because they expect you will get them high at some point, well, those people are not your friends. They are just hangers-on, deadbeats and leeches. These are the bottom feeders that use others to get what they want without ever contributing at all to the relationship. So it makes all the sense in the world that removing these soul suckers from your life is not only going to benefit your weed surplus and bank account, it will also open you up to more people who actually like you regardless of how generous you are with a bag of dope.
Tell these people that you are going through some hard times right now – a lost job, child support increase, whatever — and was wondering if they had any weed to spare. Let them know that you have absolutely no money to kick in, but would be eternally grateful if they could provide you with a pro-bono buzz until you get back on your feet. The true mooches will see that you are no longer the almighty honey pot and start showing up less and less.
If you grow your own weed, cutting ties with a marijuana mooch could prove challenging. You might feed them a line about falling on hard times, but the sweet smell of buds wafting up from the basement will tell another tale. Your friends probably think that since you grow your own, it’s basically free for you, so why not ask for some? They may not realize the time and effort you’ve put into growing the plants. Not to mention the cost. Maybe you can casually bring those up in conversation sometime. Have you ever considered encouraging them to grow their own? Sounds like you’ve got a knack for it, so you could even offer to help them get started. You could even provide them with a starter plant, scribble down some basic instructions on a napkin and wish them luck right out the door. Soon enough, you might be reaping the benefits.
Whatever you do, don’t feel bad for cutting off the mooches. It is nice to share our good fortune with the people we like and care about, but most of the time, those people, our true friends, have plenty to offer us in return. Sure, you might have the weed hookup, but they are covering their end by providing food and fellowship. That’s more than fair. Seriously, friendship is a two-way street, and anyone who just shows up all the time and expects a freebie probably doesn’t deserve your generosity.
It is nice to share our good fortune with the people we like and care about, but most of the time, those people, our true friends, have plenty to offer us in return. You wouldn’t let someone just eat all of your food without ever contributing a dollar or at least a slice of pizza to the cause. Treat your bud with the same respect. Seriously, friendship is a two-way street, and anyone who just shows up all the time and expects a freebie probably doesn’t deserve your generosity.
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