Weed Moochers Guide to Getting High

Almost every smoker has done it, including me. That still doesn’t make it a cool thing to do.

Whether you’re an occasional smoker or you’ve got a green lung, maybe you’ve caught the urge to join a smoke sesh. So, conceptually, you reach into your pocket, only to discover you forgot your stash. Luckily, a friend with weed is a friend indeed. If you don’t mind being an as*hole and a scu*bag, here’s how to make the connection.

Be a woman


Women are pretty and smell good and therefore more inclined to get things they want. Bat your eyelashes, maybe swing your hips along to the music. Somebody’s going to want to come and talk to you, and that somebody just might smoke you out.

Look for people who look like stoners

If someone looks like a stoner, talks like a stoner, laughs like a stoner, it stands to reason that you’re more likely to get stoned around them. You can try the old standby: Look for a guy in a green shirt.

Sniff it out

That sweet smell of Mary Jane that just smacked you in the face as you walked through the crowd? Follow that. Wait until your stoner Spidey Sense starts tingling, then move in for the kill.

Have a lighter

Stoners always need a lighter. If you smoke cigarettes, lighting up will let them know you’ve got one.

Keep some papers on you

It’s another thing stoners somehow always need. It also helps to be able to roll. Honestly, there’s a 50/50 chance you might have to smoke it for them too.

Be friendly!

Smoking weed with a stranger is starting a conversation with a stranger, so just be cool. Don’t be too friendly though. You don’t want to have to tell your kids one day that you met their father while he was rolling a huge fatty.

Don’t pout…

…if someone’s not trying to share their weed. That’s their right, as a marijuana purchaser, and your cross to bear as a hop-on. Refrain from all side-eyeing, scoffing or hair flipping. That’s just bad form.

Eye contact…


… point to the weed, gesture with pinched fingers, and nod. That is the universal body language for, “Do you mind if I hit that?” If you get a nod in return, your request has been granted. This exchange can take place no matter how loud the music around you is.

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Don’t hijack that shit

Don’t smoke down a whole joint in three pulls, don’t puff and pass to four friends behind you. And don’t overstay your welcome in that rotation, or you might not be invited back.


If you show up empty handed, chances are your friends will happily smoke you up, but do you want to have the reputation of being a mooch? Not if you want to be invited back the next time your homies spark up.

If there is no possibility for you to bring some THC to the sesh, you better come with something else. Consider compensating your lack of weed with jokes, juggling, munchies or even something with monetary value, such as money. Whatever it is you have to offer, make sure that it’s something that will amp up the good vibes!

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Credit: dallasobserver.com/

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